The Sparkle 2: Evo


There is no such thing as “last week,” it’s a myth.

Hungry Hungry Wigglything is a casual action game by Forever Entertainment S.A. in which you start as this:

Screenshot_184and end up becoming this:


I do, and I also know how to eat your entire family alive.


Eat Stuff: The Game advertises itself by vaguely suggesting that the player has control over how their lifeform evolves. What actually happens is that when you level up, the game tallies which elements you ate the most (red, green, or blue), and turns you into an appropriate larger version of what you once were. That’s as much control as I have over the smell of my breath when I am faced with the possibility of having some garlic.


So hippie, jock, or bland. Got it.


Spore’s Uninteresting But Pretty Cell Stage drops you in puddles of life wherein you have to compete with a rival lifeform for food. That’s it, really. Eat more than the other guy and you win. There’s a non-competitive mode in which all you have to do is deplete one of the colors from the entire level. This becomes a sort of microscopic Where’s Waldo, except he’s constantly pinging you. As far as what you’re supposed to eat, what starts as nibbling at inanimate candy-plankton becomes full-on dismemberment and organ-harvesting murder.


im in ur bellah, nommin ur kidz


The visuals are beautiful. Everything glows as it floats about, and the ability to go up and down in levels of depth gives you a glimpse of what you can find below. You’re apparently immortal, however, and whenever you are damaged the game automatically makes you climb one “floor,” which only serves as a minor inconvenience. Nothing attacks you, either, you only get hurt by lunging at the wrong end of whatever it is you’re trying to rip to pieces.


I am not your mother.


The chill-out music fits the game well, as the most action you’ll experience is speeding through the water for a brief moment, and only if you happen to be a carnivore. The game is not without bugs, however, and although the collision system is strange at best, I found myself flung beyond the edge of a certain level after getting stuck inside some weird jellyfish inside a whirlpool. As for level 13, which I initially thought was incomplete, I only have this to say: No.


It’s the first EULA I’ve ever read in its entirety.


Nom Nom Nommin’ On Living Flesh can be finished in a few hours, and the credits were a nice touch. Although I wish I could say it does what it advertises, it’s not a waste of time either. The controls could be better, but they only need some getting used to, and as the game itself tells you, it’s there to fill your free time with something nice. As far as I’m concerned, the price should stay at the 75% off it is at permanently, and not just until the 16th of June.


“Control the evolution” my DNAss.



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Otherworld – Spring of Shadows

Collector’s Edition, because I’m a fancy-pants bastard like that.


I’m not a fan of point-and-clicks, but in spite of its kitschness this is the first one in a while that managed to keep me interested long enough to finish it, including the epilogue.

Otherworld – The Intricacies of Wool Working is a casual point-and-click puzzle-solving game by Boomzap. You can probably notice shitloads of similar games at their website, so why this one? Honestly, I don’t know. I let my fingers think for themselves, and this is where we got.

You start the game as a woman who just bought a house in the countryside and is greeted upon arrival by the worst cleanup job ever.

Incorporeal creatures make the worst maids.


Long story short, a malevolent creature called I’ll Piss You Off Every Time You Click Too Much the Shade kidnapped a little girl named Alice Fiona whose parents also went missing. The girl appears in a mirror and asks for your help. Naturally, you forget all about your life plans and decide to help some random reflection defeat evil, suddenly and calmly accepting that there is another world parallel to our own in which locksmiths have a demented sense of humour in what concerns people’s free time.

Ceci n’est pas une lock.


Otherworld – Now I Know How Stained Glass Is Made has three difficulty levels with progressively less hints on solving the puzzles, which vary between genuinely interesting brain teasers and I’ll just keep clicking until it solves itself. At one point, I was supposed to pour different substances into different containers without having any clue as to which went where. I soon realized that I could not drop the wrong substance in the wrong container. Ergo, I merrily clicked away on every container with every substance until the problem solved itself. I felt like a monkey solving one of those shapes-in-holes thingamabobs.

The final boss is the only timed puzzle, and yet even a retarded sloth could solve it. Granted, it’s a casual game, unless you decide to play hardcore mode and are then supposed to guess that to cut through some vines you must carefully analyze their length, girth, colour, general health, whether they overlap any other vines, if yes, how many, how’s the weather, who’s on first, and what the local Dryad thinks about the coming elections, because that’s how it goes in this “other world.”



What made Otherworld – That’s Not What a Flute Sounds Like enjoyable for me was the art. Everything outside the puzzles looks like a Neo-Romantic Where’s Waldo, and even in the puzzles it’s not until I’ve scanned the same bloody scene for the tenth bloody time to find the ONE missing bit of the magical stone of blow me that it starts feeling tiresome to look at.

I’m telling you there’s a nail in there. You know, for hammering. Find it.


The animation, however, is ridiculous. The South Park pilot flows better. This is the game’s most obvious flaw. Even its attempts at being spooky fail because when it doesn’t feel like a lazy fade between stances, I am immediately reminded of the flash-like puppetry animation that plagues the Internet, which simply doesn’t suit such a detailed art style. Fortunately, Otherworld – Headless Garden Gnomes manages to save its sorry ass via the magic of music. The soundtrack is beautiful and fits all the environments like a glove, deserving a mandatory hats off.

However, some things felt unnecessarily laborious and unreal, such as having to drive back and forth between a farm and a house miles apart to make a coat from scratch for some little green shit, when stabbing him would prove to be a hastier solution. I mean, there’s a girl in danger, so why the hell am I shearing, washing, carding, spinning, weaving, cutting, and sowing the buttons for Smelly McShirt? Give me the damn bag or get stabbed!

It’s called the mantle.



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