SSTTP: Eufloria

Isn’t there a flower shop with that name?

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Three words: Space gardening.

I was hoping for a third one as well, but it just stopped there.

Euflopia is a real-time ambient strategy game by Alex May, Rudolf Kremers and Brian Grainger in which you send seeds to colonize asteroids and plant Dyson trees to get more seeds, as a reference to Freeman Dyson and his hypothesis that tree-like lifeforms could grow on comets. That’s where the reference ends, because what we actually get is seedships firing lasers at each other.

PEW PEW PEW

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This minimalistic and quasi-ovarian take on space pollination looked promising until I realized that it was just the same thing over and over again spread across 25 not-that-procedural levels with increasing difficulty, accompanied by a flimsy “diseased seed invaders” storyline, the moral of which is that plants are dicks. Maybe I’m not suitable for this sort of games, but I can say that I had more fun with other flash games similar to this.

The environment is calm, perhaps a bit bland, hardly eufloric, and Brian Grainger’s music suits it perfectly. The little jingle that plays when you order your seeds to orbit another asteroid, however, is maddening. At least include an auto-send command so I don’t have to keep dragging every single little shit that is born light years away from where I am instead of leaving the matters of common sense to the modders. It’s like Nintendo expecting ROM hackers to come up with Z-targeting for Ocarina of Time.

Also, the main menu includes an “Unlock features” button. One would assume it’s the typical fresh new game gallery of question marks over things you have to unlock yourself, but no! It’s a menu where you can lock and unlock features at will, and even access all levels of the game. Talk about encouraging laziness. At least it allowed me to cut to the chase and realize that the biggest unlockable is just the same game, slightly harder and with a cooler background on all the levels. Maybe the whole game should have looked like this in the first place.

ÜNTZ ÜNTZ ÜNTZ

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4/10

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One thought on “SSTTP: Eufloria

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